Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Exercise in Patience

Sometimes life gives you no choice but to exercise your patience muscle- even when it is fatigued and ready to quit. We were supposed to be finishing Ania's chemo today. We prepared and psyched ourselves up for this momentous time. For once, we were excited for chemotherapy. Imagine that. When we left for the hospital this morning, Ania literally ran out the door like she was about to embark on a trip to the Magic Kingdom. When we got out of the car in the hospital parking lot, she suited up in her full butterfly armor- threw on her wings and mask and she ran, no flew, through the hallways to the doctors office. Our footsteps were light and practically carefree- ready to get this done!
We have been really fortunate that through all her treatments, her blood count numbers have been high enough that treatments have never been postponed. Today our luck changed and her numbers we significantly lower than they needed to be to go through with treatment. What a blow. I did not expect this at all and when the nurse explained to Ania that she would not have chemo today, Ania actually cried. So did I. After all this time and the several set backs over the last year, why could we not just finish on our own terms? Cancer just doesn't know how to play fair. 
So we picked up our belongings and went back to the car. Even though our hands were full of our belongings and as Ania held my hand for a moment, I couldn't help but feel that we were leaving empty handed. We were supposed to be given a gift today that just didn't come. We will get it another day of course but it's still so disappointing. 
Walking out.....

So we have a few days to really take this whole experience in a little longer. To just keep exercising our patience and to just keep living. 

Since we were not spending a night in the hospital, we took the opportunity to get out and enjoy one of the last nights of summer out in our beautiful city. It was a breath of fresh air and reminder to stay patient. We have lots of cancer-free days ahead. This minor setback just gives us another opportunity to marvel at Ania's fighting, ever joyful spirit in the midst of cancer. 

A little lakefront ballet- what an amazing stage! 

God Bless,


1 comment:

  1. Being disappointed and temporarily losing your patience are certainly understandable and expected. It's sad that Ania was so upset -- I'm sure she wanted to put her treatments behind her too. Your evening together had to reassure her that everything will be OK, but not on your timetable (as usual). God bless you and your darling daughter ... praying every day for all of you.