Strength in our Reality

Probably the comment I get most often from people is "You are so strong."  Let me let you in on a little secret- Yes, I am strong BUT I have moments of weakness. Taking showers have become my sanctuary- a place to cry alone when I need it. But I am strong most of the time because I HAVE to be right now. There are moments that I want to curl in a little ball and cry. At times Ive wished I was a grizzly bear so I could hibernate until spring. Other times Ive wanted to book an exotic world travel experience for myself to escape it all....

Reality is harsh sometimes. Sometimes you fall down. Sometimes you learn that people you love are not always who they seem to be. Sometimes you get disappointed. Mistakes are made. People have flaws. Crappy things happen. Your child gets CANCER....but Reality can be heartwarming too. People come out of the woodwork to help keep us strong. Hugs are powerful.  We've gotten countless meals, hundreds of letters and cards, car trunkfuls of toys and gifts for our little girl. She is also on prayer lists all over the world.  Lastly, reality can be funny too- I can't remember what it's like to go to the bathroom without one of my little ones coming with me to unravel the toilet paper roll or shoving their little hands under the door if I did happen to make it in alone. Funny reality is hearing your 3 year old telling you her boogers taste like strawberries..... And trying to keep her from sharing her strawberry flavored boogers with you....  ;)  

I guess my point is, until I was faced with this life altering situation I am in with my daughter and my family, I never knew I had it in me to be so mentally strong. What choice do I have though? I can not run away or hibernate . Life is moving and yes I will have moments of weakness but I will RISE to the occasion in due time. I'm ALIVE and I am going to stay true to myself in the mean time.  I'm going to pray- a lot for continued clarity and strength. I am also going to embrace everyone who has helped keep me strong and sane through all this. Lastly, embracing my husband and little ones is also important. We cannot lose each other in life's chaos. 

So I guess I am going to be like a grizzly bear who skips hibernation this season ;) 

God bless, 

Erica